Hymns

My favorite part of worship services has always been singing hymns. For me, the music in church seems to speak to my soul and touches me in ways that sermons and lessons seldom do. Hymns frequently tap an emotional and spiritual reservoir within my heart. I like how I feel when singing church hymns.

So I was surprised today to find that I was not able to sing the hymns in our meetings. Why? Because the recent memories of Laura singing with me were too much. I was overcome and simply couldn't sing.

I hope my inability to compose myself enough to sing hymns at church is a temporary condition.

Today I copied the words of two hymns which seem particularly meaningful to me right now.

The first is Where Can I Turn for Peace? by Emma Lou Thayne.

Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace when other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice, I draw myself apart,
searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows, where, when I languish, where, in my
need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.

He answers privately, reaching my reaching in my Gethsemane,
Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind, love without end.


The second is Be Still, My Soul by Katharina von Schlegel (translated by Jane Borthwick).

Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side; With patience bear
thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide; In ev'ry change he
faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend thru thorny ways
leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake to guide the future
as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake; All now mysterious
shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know His voice who
ruled them while he dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on when we shall be forever
with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone, sorrow forgot, love's
purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past, all safe and blessed
we shall meet at last.

Hymns are a type of prayer, it seems to me. I have such a fond memory of our family singing How Great Thou Art in sacrament meeting a few years ago. That felt like a prayer. And the hymns in my heart feel like a prayer now.

Moving Right Along

Grieving is complicated. How grateful I am to have wonderful memories of Laura. The episodes we have experienced this year with Laura were incredibly difficult. I would not care to repeat anything like this ever again.

Life moves on and it is up to me to move along with it. However, I am in unfamiliar territory. I am sure I will learn many great lessons during my "recovery" process.

I recognize how very important it is to have faith and hope. Where would I be without an assurance of the resurrection and the mercy of a loving Heavenly Father? The support of friends, family, and coworkers has been invaluable. I am surprised how much I have needed to talk to people about our loss. People have been extremely supportive, for the most part. There is no greater quality, I am noticing, than being a skilled listener.

Some quotes to share:

• Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland
• To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die. ~Thomas Campbell, "Hallowed Ground"
• While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil. ~John Taylor
• Life is eternal, and love is immortal,and death is only a horizon;and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight. ~Rossiter Worthington Raymond
• When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure. ~Unknown
• Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy. ~Unknown
• Look for the rainbow that gracious thing, made up of tears and light. ~Samuel Taylor Coleridge