Some of life's important lessons

When I entered the mission field, I had only the vaguest of ideas about how to serve as a missionary. I received a small missionary handbook with instructions I tried to follow faithfully, but really "learned by doing" until near the end of my service I finally felt I knew how to do the work I was finishing.

As a young social worker, I worked with troubled youth and taught parenting classes. My "book learning" did not make up for my lack of practical experience and, looking back, I clearly understand why my clients were skeptical of principles and techniques I offered them. Now that my own children are grown and gone with children of their own, I finally have a better idea of how to parent.

After three decades of marriage, I am getting the hang of being a good husband. Much wisdom has come with learning what not to do. With a little luck, Brenda will enjoy the benefits of what I have learned for a few more years before we are both gone.

I've heard it said that intelligence is learning from your own experiences while wisdom is learning from the experiences of others. I wonder how many are wise in this regard.

At any rate, here are some of life's important lessons I have learned.

1. It is easier to loosen the reins than to tighten them. I was a strict father, not because I wanted control over my children, but because I wanted them to be safe. Perhaps I did not get it right in determining how loose or tight to maintain the reins. But I did learn that trying to tighten loose reins was a real challenge.
   
   
2. Offense cannot be given, it can only be taken. No one can offend you without your assistance. We are offended not so much by what others say or do to us, but by what we tell ourselves about what they are doing and why they are doing it. Every instance of offense rests upon our own strongly held "should" or "should not." In a very real sense, we offend ourselves using the other person as the reason we do so. Others have no power over us to cause offense ... unless we cooperate with them. Does this mean I think that others never do insensitive, mean or cruel things? Of course not. But ours is the choice as to whether we are offended by such behavior. When we say to ourselves, "S/he makes me so mad," we are being neither accurate nor truthful.
   
   
3. When you try to change another person the only result that is guaranteed is that you will make two people unhappy - yourself and the other person. Why did it take me so long to learn this lesson? There is a very important difference between not putting up with unacceptable behavior and attempting to change another person. We do not have to put up with unacceptable behavior. But this does not require that we attempt to change others. Frankly, I don't think one person can change another. But I think one person can cause great unhappiness trying to change another, both for him/herself and for the the person s/he is trying to change.
   
   

Someone once told me of a great German saying, "Too soon old, and too late smart!" (It sounds better if you try to affect a strong German accent.) This is certainly true for me.