Christmas 2022

 Hello Family and Friends,

Each year seems stranger than the last and 2022 was no exception. The year began with the unexpected passing of my mother at age 87. Melba Oviatt lived a long, full life and mercifully was healthy and always able to live independently in her own house. So her death was a surprise. I was already beginning to make plans for a ninetieth birthday celebration. For years, I called Mom every weekend from Iowa. I miss those calls where we discussed her yard work and quilting, and where we solved many of the world’s problems. Now I must be content driving to Salt Lake occasionally to decorate her grave. This Christmas won’t be the same without Mom’s peanut brittle, date bread, and Christmas village display. More importantly, it won’t be the same without her.

Brenda and I left Iowa in 2020, not knowing if or when we would return to visit (I don’t want to make that drive again unless I must!). But in January my former employer graciously flew me back to Iowa to surprise a dear colleague at a gathering to celebrate her retirement. Brenda was envious that I got to go. I told her I might stay until August so I could take in the Iowa State Fair again, but for some reason Brenda didn’t think that was a good idea. I still have a few items in storage in Iowa and keep hoping to find someone coming to Utah with enough room in their vehicle to ferry my remaining things here. If not, I must come up with a way to convince Brenda that I really need to make this trip. Brenda says she will come with me. I explained that if we bring her mobility scooter and oxygen concentrator, there will be no room in our van for the things I want to retrieve. Brenda is trying to figure out a way around the space limitation.

Last year I had an expensive driving lesson when in the dark I accidentally backed into the garage door. Unfortunately, the door is old enough that replacement panels are no longer made. The new garage door installed this year looks quite nice, but I would rather have the money in the bank account and the perfectly good older garage door back in place. Hopefully, I will be a much more careful driver in the future. Some lessons come at a dear cost!

Brenda was happy that I built raised flower beds for her in the back yard so she could plant some of the flower seeds she harvested in Iowa each year. I reminded Brenda that the climate in Utah is much drier and that we are in severe drought conditions here. I didn’t want her to be disappointed if her flowers didn’t grow. However, Brenda was certain that her green thumb would prevail, and that her flowers would do just as well here as in Iowa. As usual, Brenda was right. However, the seeds for zinnias that Brenda planted turned out to be sunflowers that grew 9-10 feet tall! I guess I should have examined the seeds before Brenda planted them. We wound up having to take out the sunflowers because they were blocking the sunlight to all the other flowers she planted. Brenda really does enjoy the chance to be outdoors tending to her flowers and plants.

Late in the year I placed sod in several places where the grass was struggling or had died out altogether. I also built another raised flower bed for Brenda because, hey, roses! I guess that in Brenda’s mind there is never too much space for flowers. In addition, I have been removing some grass and replacing it with decorative stone. Xeriscaping is a thing in this desert climate. The decorative stone looks nice and certainly is easier and less expensive to maintain than grass. As I make these changes, I am reconfiguring our lawn sprinkler system so that I am not watering rocks. So far, I have been able to move sprinkler heads and even add a few new ones without messing up the system. I surprised (and may even have impressed) Brenda by finally installing the flagpole we brought from Iowa. To see the stars and stripes flying at the end of the driveway with the nearby Payson Temple spire in the background is an impressive and patriotic sight (God and country!).

I continue to be amazed at how well my garden does here. We are fortunate to have secondary irrigation water during the summer months to mitigate against the effects of the ongoing drought. Again, I am learning lessons from my mistakes. For example, I planted a couple of butternut squash plants along with my tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers, corn, and carrots. The squash plants absolutely took over the garden, even climbing the branches of the two fruit trees. Next year I will get any squash I need from the farmers’ market.

I’m all ready for snow this season with the snowblower I picked up last year. December is off to a promising start with several impressive snowstorms. Currently, we are at 150% of normal snowpack. If this keeps up, we could break the drought that has plagued Utah for more than twenty years! I enjoy clearing snow early in the morning before everyone is up and driving over the snow in our cul-de-sac’s shared driveway, compacting it to ice. Just for giggles, I also clear snow from some of my neighbors’ drives and sidewalks because they really shouldn’t be out trying to do this themselves. Brenda frets because she says I am no longer young and that I need to be careful so I don’t hurt myself. I think the exercise I get from clearing snow is what keeps me young(ish).

It wouldn’t be a normal year for us without multiple medical appointments and treatments. Usually this is mostly about Brenda, but as I age it is increasingly about me as well. Brenda has suffered a number of falls in our house throughout the year. Fortunately, the damage has primarily been limited to bumps and bruises (as well as to her pride) – no broken bones. I would like to say that Brenda is an upright individual but sometimes she doesn’t remain as upright as either of us would like. Also, recently Brenda was hospitalized briefly with another bout of pneumonia. Fortunately, this episode wasn’t nearly as serious as the COVID-induced pneumonia last year that landed her in the ICU twice, and she was released to come home after a brief stay. I underwent a scoping procedure to view some of my insides, followed by intermittent physical therapy. The idea is that I may be able to avoid surgery if the physical therapy is effective. I’m all for that!

My church callings are building cleaning coordinator and Family History Consultant. As the cleaning coordinator, I work with church members I otherwise wouldn’t meet and get to know. This is a good thing for me because I’m not all that social. Our Family History Center moved to a new location this year and I got to help with the open house. My role was to arrange for a bounce house! My only regret is that I couldn’t get Brenda to give it a try. In addition to these callings, I substitute teach for classes on occasion and also sing in the choir. Needless to say, church keeps us busy and out of trouble.

Brenda and I are so blessed to live in Utah. We miss Iowa and our wonderful friends there, but we enjoy living near all nine of our grandchildren (and their parents, I guess). Now we can see family often, and we don’t have to drive halfway across the country to do so. We also enjoy living near three of our four children and being able to help them with various projects. We also enjoy living near the mountains again. While Brenda and I can no longer hike or camp together, we enjoy driving the Mt. Nebo Scenic Loop several times each year. Brenda takes countless photos and also searches for fossils. Finally, we are thrilled to live so close to the beautiful Payson Temple, where we worship frequently. To borrow a phrase, “Is this heaven?” “No, it’s Iowa Utah.”

Wishing all those we care about and love a very Merry Christmas and a happy and prosperous New Year! If you are ever out our way, feel free to stop in to visit. And if your travel does not bring you to Utah, we hope you will call or send an email or text message to stay in touch.

Dee Oviatt - (515) 480-6331, Dee.Oviatt@gmail.com              

Brenda Oviatt - (515) 306-9514, BrendaLOviatt@msn.com

Some photos for your enjoyment:

The Payson Temple located a block away from our house

Family Events

The flag at our house; the Devil's Kitchen along the Mt. Nebo Scenic Loop

Christmas 2021

Hello Family and Friends,

Another Christmas is upon us, and I thought this year I would let you listen in on some of the conversations that take place around here.

Brenda: It’s getting pretty close to Christmas. Are you going to send out cards this year?

Me: No, I don’t think I will.

Brenda: Really? Usually you send out cards and a letter. Why aren’t you keeping up the tradition?

Me: I didn’t send out cards last year because we had just moved into this house, and everything was so chaotic. I wasn’t sure which box had our Christmas cards, or even if we brought them with us from Iowa. Instead, I posted online a letter with photos, and many people seemed to prefer this to a card. So I’m starting a new tradition.

Brenda: That’s kind of sad. It’s like losing a little bit of Christmas spirit.

Me: Bah, humbug!

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This year the coronavirus was a big deal for us. Despite all the precautions we took with wearing masks, cancelling family gatherings, maintaining distance, avoiding crowds, and being vaccinated early on, Brenda and I both contracted COVID-19. My best guess is that I was infected by someone at the grocery store or at church (in both places there were so many people who did not wear masks or maintain distance). I developed a deep cough and wondered if I might be infected, but a nasal swab test came back negative. However, three days later Brenda was hospitalized with COVID and COVID-induced pneumonia. The emergency room doctor suggested that I be retested with the more accurate saliva test, and this result was positive. This is one time Brenda really wishes I had not shared with her.

Brenda: I don’t remember ever being so sick as I was with COVID.

Me: No kidding. You were hospitalized in the ICU twice, once for three days and a second time for eight days. It was a miracle that you survived. Your doctor said he was flabbergasted at how well and how quickly you recovered with all your underlying conditions.

Brenda: I’m so glad I didn’t have to be placed on a ventilator! I think all the powerful medication they gave me and being placed on the high flow oxygen machine at more than ten times the level of oxygen I use at home is probably what made the difference.

Me: You are forgetting one thing that might have been the biggest factor of all.

Brenda: What is that?

Me: You hated the hospital food.

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Brenda wasn’t the only one to experience medical issues this year. Last year I labored to ready our house in Iowa to sell, and also worked hard to load up our belongings and relocate to Utah. We placed most of what we owned in storage while we searched for a house, then loaded and unloaded everything a second time when we moved to our residence. The entire time I was blessed not to experience any physical problems, even with moving heavy furniture and so many boxes. Then this year, when my only labor was puttering around the house and yard, I somehow managed to develop a hernia that needed to be repaired surgically using some kind of fancy robotic equipment (it seemed almost as though the surgeon was playing a video game when he operated on me!). Fortunately, the procedure went well.

Brenda: I’m worried about you. You try to do too much. I’m sure that’s why you developed a hernia.

Me: I didn’t do anything strenuous. The hernia came out of nowhere. The doctor said this type of thing tends to happen more as we age.

Brenda: I just wish you would take better care of yourself. I don’t want you to be sick or injured.

Me: Every day I walk for 30 minutes to get exercise. I think I am making a reasonable effort to take care of myself, and I have lost some weight. What else would you like me to do?

Brenda: Well, you could not climb up on the roof to put up Christmas lights. I’m afraid you will fall.

Me: It’s worth the risk so that Santa can find our house more easily.

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While we miss Iowa and the wonderful friends that we made during the 29 years we lived there, we do enjoy being in Utah because we are near all nine of our grandchildren, and also because we are so close to the mountains. We have been accustomed to seeing our grandchildren only once or twice each year; now we are with them frequently and have been able to take part in activities such as ball games, church events, and celebrating holidays. And I have enjoyed helping our children with projects they have undertaken, such as a major remodeling effort and excavating a large swing set to relocate to their yard (Ben and Emily), and digging up a deeply buried leaking sprinkler valve and putting up outside Christmas lights at a newly purchased house (Lindsey and Dustin). I also enjoy visiting with my mother, and occasionally with old friends from high school. And I have been helping my sister-in-law with some of the chores that her husband, my brother Wane, did while he was still living. Brenda and I take advantage of the nearby mountains to get away from time to time. We can no longer camp or hike as we once did, but just driving the beautiful Mount Nebo Scenic Byway located only minutes from our house (where Brenda takes hundreds of photos!) is very relaxing and enjoyable.

Brenda: Let’s go for a drive today.

Me: Okay. Do you want to go to the mountains, drive out in the country, or go around the lake?

Brenda: I’d like to get some pictures of the leaves changing in the mountains.

Me: We can do that, but you can’t keep asking me to stop in the middle of the road when there is not a place to pull off. I can’t block traffic on a narrow two-lane road.

Brenda: Oh, it takes only a minute to get a photo. I’m sure people don’t really mind.

Me: Well, it’s not you they are pointing at when they are behind us. And they aren’t using their pointer finger!

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It’s not clear that I will be employed again, but I manage to stay busy with church callings, yard work, gardening, and working in the Payson Temple each week. I built some raised beds for Brenda to plant more flowers (including seeds that she brought from Iowa). One day I might even finish unpacking from our move; I’m still trying to find some things I’m sure we brought with us but that I haven’t managed to locate yet.

Brenda and I wish you a very Merry Christmas and a healthy, prosperous New Year. We pray that the pandemic will be eased so that we all can resume the normal activities that make life so meaningful. Please stay in touch; we welcome your phone calls, text messages, and emails. Look us up the next time you are in Utah!

Love to all,

Dee and Brenda

P.S. - Some photos:

Our house in Payson

Our grandchildren at Thanksgiving

The nearby Payson Temple at sunset

... and after a recent snowfall

Mount Nebo Scenic Byway in the fall

... and after the first snow of the season

Christmas 2020

 Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Oviatts in Iowa UTAH!

Hello Family and Friends,

In this strangest of years you are not receiving a Christmas card from us. This isn’t because I am too cheap to purchase cards or stamps, because I am despondent over the coronavirus pandemic that has made this year unlike any other I have experienced, or that I am the Grinch personified. It is because we moved from Iowa to Utah this year and many of our things are still waiting to be unpacked. I am not sure where our Christmas cards are or even if I brought them with us to Utah (not everything would fit on the moving truck). Thus, this blog post instead of a card.

After our basement flooded last year, we were looking forward to a more enjoyable and rewarding year in 2020. We had planned that I would retire in the latter part of the year, after which we would sell our house, visit Utah to find a place to live, and then move our belongings from one house directly to the other. This seemed like a sensible plan that should happen without much trouble. But perhaps you have heard the saying, “Man plans, God laughs!” Our plan seemed to be a good one … and then the coronavirus pandemic happened.

I was laid off in April due to the virus, well before I had planned to retire. At that point it made no sense to look for another job for two reasons: 1) as unemployment skyrocketed, no one was hiring, and 2) everyone who knew me was aware that I planned to retire and move to Utah later in the year. So Brenda and I revised our plan dramatically and decided to move to Utah before selling our house in Iowa and without a place to live in Utah (placing our things in storage). While I was extremely uneasy with the uncertainty of this plan and the prospect of moving in the middle of a pandemic (what were we thinking?), we decided to take a “leap of faith” and trust that things would work out.

Miracles started happening. Members of our church volunteered their time to help Brenda sort through items she had collected throughout our 29 years of living in Iowa, deciding what to keep and what to take to the consignment shop or donate to thrift stores (a truly gargantuan task she could not have accomplished herself). Others helped with needed repairs to our house. Friends from the West, two couples I have known for decades, called out of the blue and asked if they could come to help Brenda and me pack and get our house ready to sell. They spent several days with us finishing tasks I simply would not have had time to do. Family members came to Iowa to help load the moving truck and drive it to Utah. Three couples in Utah offered to let Brenda and me stay with them while we looked for housing (we took up all three on their generous invitations). A group of former co-workers organized and videotaped a farewell parade up and down the street in front of our house to wish us well and send us off in style. And after leaving Iowa in July, our house sold the same day it was listed. We were blessed indeed!

Once we arrived in Utah, challenges arose. The real estate market in Utah is greatly inflated and hyper-competitive. I thought I would go with a realtor to look at properties, then take Brenda later to see the best options (this in light of Brenda’s health challenges and to preserve her strength). However, I was stunned to discover that when seeing a property you had to decide immediately whether to make an offer because frequently houses went under contract the same day they were listed – and for significantly more than the asking price! If you took a day or two to “think about it” you would usually miss out. I do not know from where Brenda got the strength, but she went with me every time we looked at properties. I began to think we would not find anything we could afford to buy and started looking at rental houses. But rentals were even more expensive than purchasing, so we kept searching.

We saw dozens of houses and made half a dozen offers without success. We had heard horror stories of people who spent years trying to buy a house in this area and I became quite discouraged and anxious. But Brenda’s faith prevailed, and another miracle happened when we made an offer on a house that I thought there was no chance we could get. Unbelievably (at least to me), our offer was accepted! We found a house with the features we needed for our unique needs at a price we could afford in an area that is away from the worst of the traffic congestion and poor air quality here, but still relatively close to where our children and grandchildren live. We are situated on a cozy cul-de-sac next to a walking trail, a small creek, and a park. Our back yard includes a fire pit and an in-ground trampoline (perfect for family gatherings), along with a fenced garden with two fruit trees. We arrived in Utah on July 10 and moved into our place on September 15. After living out of suitcases for two months with nearly all of our things in storage, we were so grateful to be back in a place of our own.

We are now living in the small and still fairly rural town of Payson, located an hour south of Salt Lake City. We are between 20-35 minutes from our son and two daughters, and all nine of our grandchildren, who live here (we have one son who lives in California). In ten minutes we can be driving through the mountains along the beautiful Mt. Nebo Scenic Loop. And we live two blocks from the church we attend and the temple where we worship, literally within walking distance. (Here is a picture of the temple near us, the spire of which we can see from our driveway. Our house is located two blocks towards the mountain behind the temple. The church we attend is just out of the photo to the right.)

It has long been a dream of ours to live again near the mountains (we both grew up in the West and have mountains in our blood) and close to family. While we are near our children and grandchildren, we have chosen to cancel family gatherings – a pumpkin carving event for Halloween, Thanksgiving dinner, and getting together for Christmas – out of an abundance of caution due to the virus surging to record numbers of infections and hospitalizations in Utah. (I’m amazed at how many people here do not wear masks.) We have not been able to see our children and grandchildren as much as we would like, but still have enjoyed being with them more than we were able to do while living in Iowa.

For now, I remain unemployed and the question of finding work remains up in the air. Eventually I will officially retire, and we plan to remain in this house as long as we are able to care for ourselves. When the pandemic runs its course, we will make up for lost time visiting family and participating in activities we have missed because we were living so far away. Our memories of living in Iowa for 29 years and forming wonderful relationships with dear friends and colleagues there are precious, and we will always cherish our time and the people there. Now we look forward to the next – and perhaps final – chapter of our life.

We hope we can stay connected with you. Please feel free to call us to talk, or contact us by text message or email. We wish you a very Merry Christmas and hope that the New Year brings great blessings to all!

Dee and Brenda Oviatt
1489 S 910 W
Payson, UT 84651-3166
Dee.Oviatt@gmail.com, 515-480-6331
BrendaLOviatt@msn.com, 515-306-9514

Christmas in a box

Because of Brenda's current health issues, we will not be able to travel for the holidays. We have tried to visit in Utah for Christmas as often as possible so we can enjoy celebrating with our grandchildren (oh, yes, and our children). But this year that will not be possible. So we are thinking about gifts that our grandchildren will enjoy and that are reasonable to send through the mail.

It is increasingly a challenge to select gifts as our grandchildren get older. When they were toddlers, almost any gift would do ... and the grandkids were as likely to enjoy the wrapping and box as the actual gift. I adopted a personal rule several years ago that I do not give the grandchildren gifts that make noise or that require batteries. This is out of consideration for the parents! For the most part I have abided by that rule, though there have been rare exceptions. For example, one year I came across a (used) electronic toy that would "speak" the letters of the alphabet or the names of animals depending on which button was pushed. Normally I wouldn't have given this gift consideration, but when I pushed the button with a picture of an older man the toy said, "Grandpa!" That was not unusual, except that the voice sounded exactly like me! It was so uncanny that I just had to give this gift.

We have not yet decided what to give this year. I think we will visit the Learning Post to see if we can find something that is both fun and educational. I know in the past we have gotten somewhat carried away with Christmas. After one year when we admittedly went overboard a limit was imposed on our gift giving -- one book and one toy to each child. That makes sense. So now I have to pick out the PERFECT book and a MARVELOUS toy! This will be our "Christmas in a box" year to celebrate long distance with our grandchildren.

Do the Zoo

Brenda and I have a membership to the Blank Park Zoo in Des Moines. We usually go several times during the year because the zoo gives Brenda an opportunity to take photos of interesting animals. Today the weather was quite nice and I wanted to get Brenda out of the house, so we decided to "Do the Zoo" and experience Iowa's wildest adventure.

An impressive new entrance was recently added to the zoo. This is what greets visitors now as they drive into the parking area.

Today's excursion was interesting for two reasons. First, Brenda did NOT bring her camera. That really is unusual for her, though once in awhile she will leave her camera at home so I don't spend a great deal of time waiting for her to take photos. Thanks, Brenda! Second, I did not push Brenda in her wheelchair because she used her scooter.

We did have an enjoyable day and Brenda certainly enjoys being able to get around more freely. And the basket on the front is just the right size to bring home one of those cute red pandas that were recently added to the zoo.

Beggars' Night

Urbandale is unique compared to other places I have lived in that children here don't "Trick or Treat" on Halloween. Instead, they do so the day before Halloween on Beggars' Night. The way this is SUPPOSED to work is that the kids come in their costumes to beg for candy, but are supposed to tell a joke in order to get the treat.

This tradition started because Halloween pranks had gotten out of hand, resulting in hundreds of calls to the police department and a number of arrests for vandalism. In 1938 some 550 calls to report vandalism were made to the police. In an effort to address the problem, October 30 was designated as Beggars' Night and the emphasis was on harmless "tricks" such as a song or poem or stunt or musical number ... which has evolved into jokes.

In recent years the number of kids visiting our house has dropped off, but most of the ones that came did have jokes to share. Tonight I was very much surprised that hardly any of  those visiting us had jokes to tell. "Do you have a joke?", I asked one little boy dressed up as one of the modern super heroes I don't recognize. "No," he said. "I just want candy."

Another little boy, also without a joke, wasn't content to have me hand out candy. He reached up and grabbed the large bowl I was holding and barked, "I want to get my own candy!" I informed him that I would be handing out the candy ... and somehow managed to avoid him tipping out the contents of the bowl.

Some typical examples of Beggars' Night jokes from previous years:

• Why didn't the skeleton cross the street? Because he didn't have any guts.
• What do skeletons say before they begin dining? Bone appetit!
• Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Day-scare centers.
• What is a ghost's favorite syrup flavor? Boo-berry.

Actually, I finally did hear a few jokes tonight, including these:

• What is a mummy's favorite type of music? Rap music.
• Why do witches wear name tags? Because they can't tell which witch is which.
• How do you light up a soccer stadium? With a soccer match. (Not a Halloween joke, I know, but better than nothing.)
• And -- the most questionable joke of the evening -- Have you seen the movie "Constipated" yet? Of course not; it hasn't come out yet!

Happy Halloween, er, Beggars' Night!

Blessed

I just finished reading two books. One, by Gerald Lund, was recommended to me by my mother. The title is "The Undaunted: The Miracle of the Hole-In-The-Rock Pioneers." This is a book of fiction based on actual events describing the tremendous sacrifice of pioneer families called to leave their homes and cross desolate, nearly impassible areas in the middle of winter to establish settlements in the four corners region. What they went through in response to the call they received is almost beyond imagination.

Here is a photo of the Hole in the Rock through which the pioneer had to take their wagons in order to reach their destination. How did they do it?

The second book is one I picked up at a thrift store. This is "The Blind Side" by Michael Lewis. (No, I didn't see the movie.) The author relates the story of Michael Oher, one of thirteen children born to a crack addicted mother who somehow defies the odds and, with the help of his adopted family, completes high school, graduates from college where he starred as a football player, and as the book ends is drafted in the first round of the National Football League.

Here is an image of the book cover. 

The common theme of these tales is people achieving what they could not really have been expected to accomplish. In both cases they overcame problems and challenges that appeared to be insurmountable.

I am blessed and my problems pale in comparison to what others experience. I hope my children and grandchildren come to understand that they have reservoirs of strength that will allow them to overcome trials and tribulations, and to accomplish great things in their lives. They, too, will be blessed by a kind and loving Heavenly Father when they turn to him in faith and obedience and sacrifice.

2012

Isn't this the year that, according to the Mayan calendar, the world is supposed to end? But that isn't until December, so I don't have to worry about this for a l-o-n-g time.

My resolution this year is not to make resolutions. My list of goals is always too long and my "resolve" doesn't last long enough. Instead, I will continue music lessons (even though my instructor INSISTS that I learn theory when I only want to learn to play songs). And I will work on de-cluttering and simplifying my surroundings to see if I can restore our house to some semblance of order. I have two eyes, two ears, two hands, and two feet. I must be wired to focus only on two things at a time.

I saw a funny Bizarro cartoon recently where the creator of the circular Mayan calendar on a large stone filled with etchings says to his friend, "I only had enough room to go up to 2012." His friend replies, "Ha! That'll freak somebody out someday." A Rubes comic has the calendar maker saying that he ran out of room on the rock. (Search online to find either comic.) If there is more to it than this, at least my house will be clutter-free when the world ends.

Technology

I am being dragged kicking and screaming into the age of modern technology. Recently I inherited a smart phone from a co-worker who upgraded to a version more suitable for the international travel she does. I haven't figured out how to use this phone yet and suppose this will be a resolution for the new year.

I also installed a webcam on my computer in hopes of being able to do video calls with my grandchildren (oh, yes, and also my children). So far it appears that I can take still photos, but I don't yet know how to do the video component.

I may need to borrow a ten-year-old neighbor to show me how to use this technology.

Thankful for ...

Thanksgiving is not the only time of year I am grateful for my many, many blessings. I recognize just how blessed I am in ways big and small. Today I am thinking about some "small" blessings in my life for which I am extremely grateful.

• Hot running water. Each day when I shower I say a little prayer of thanks for hot running water. As a boy when I visited my grandparents' farm we took baths in a number two metal tub. We thought this was unique and exciting, but that was because it was a novelty rather than the routine. When we went back home I enjoyed bathing in a "real" tub, never appreciating how fortunate I was. Today I am grateful for hot showers whenever I want one.
  
  
  
  
  
• Indoor plumbing. Can you even imagine using a chamber pot? We used an outhouse when visiting my Allen grandparents, with a Sears catalog for toilet paper. My Grandmother Oviatt had an inside bathroom, but we used this only in cold weather and only for our "number one" business. Otherwise, we used her outhouse. My mother tells how as a child she and her sisters used to wait until their father would go to the outhouse first on cold winter mornings. Once he was finished and the seat was defrosted, there was a mad rush to be next.

• Electric appliances and lights. My gas and electric appliances offer great convenience in preparing meals, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping food cold and fresh. My grandparents cooked on coal stoves very similar to the one pictured here. Note the metal tool to lift the lids from the top of the stove without getting burned. The looped metal handle would be warm to the touch, but would not get hot enough to burn. And I am so grateful that I did not depend on candles or fuel lamps for light.

Sometime the small blessings are the greatest!

Some of life's important lessons

When I entered the mission field, I had only the vaguest of ideas about how to serve as a missionary. I received a small missionary handbook with instructions I tried to follow faithfully, but really "learned by doing" until near the end of my service I finally felt I knew how to do the work I was finishing.

As a young social worker, I worked with troubled youth and taught parenting classes. My "book learning" did not make up for my lack of practical experience and, looking back, I clearly understand why my clients were skeptical of principles and techniques I offered them. Now that my own children are grown and gone with children of their own, I finally have a better idea of how to parent.

After three decades of marriage, I am getting the hang of being a good husband. Much wisdom has come with learning what not to do. With a little luck, Brenda will enjoy the benefits of what I have learned for a few more years before we are both gone.

I've heard it said that intelligence is learning from your own experiences while wisdom is learning from the experiences of others. I wonder how many are wise in this regard.

At any rate, here are some of life's important lessons I have learned.

1. It is easier to loosen the reins than to tighten them. I was a strict father, not because I wanted control over my children, but because I wanted them to be safe. Perhaps I did not get it right in determining how loose or tight to maintain the reins. But I did learn that trying to tighten loose reins was a real challenge.
   
   
2. Offense cannot be given, it can only be taken. No one can offend you without your assistance. We are offended not so much by what others say or do to us, but by what we tell ourselves about what they are doing and why they are doing it. Every instance of offense rests upon our own strongly held "should" or "should not." In a very real sense, we offend ourselves using the other person as the reason we do so. Others have no power over us to cause offense ... unless we cooperate with them. Does this mean I think that others never do insensitive, mean or cruel things? Of course not. But ours is the choice as to whether we are offended by such behavior. When we say to ourselves, "S/he makes me so mad," we are being neither accurate nor truthful.
   
   
3. When you try to change another person the only result that is guaranteed is that you will make two people unhappy - yourself and the other person. Why did it take me so long to learn this lesson? There is a very important difference between not putting up with unacceptable behavior and attempting to change another person. We do not have to put up with unacceptable behavior. But this does not require that we attempt to change others. Frankly, I don't think one person can change another. But I think one person can cause great unhappiness trying to change another, both for him/herself and for the the person s/he is trying to change.
   
   

Someone once told me of a great German saying, "Too soon old, and too late smart!" (It sounds better if you try to affect a strong German accent.) This is certainly true for me.

Love to Read

Reading has always been my favorite hobby and my greatest source of learning and enjoyment. I really don't remember learning to read. I do remember in first grade my teacher, kindly white-haired Mrs. Carter, having us sit on the floor in a group around her while she held up flash cards with words printed on them in bold letters. As a class, we would call out together the words on the cards. I was surprised once when I was the only voice to be heard when she held up a card. Apparently it was a word she had not introduced to us previously, but I must have learned it in reading.

How I enjoyed going to the library as a boy. I can remember the sense of responsibility I felt when I got my first library card. The librarian impressed upon my mind the value of the books loaned to me, the care I must take not to damage them, and how responsible I must be to be sure the books were returned in good condition so others could enjoy them. She also made sure I understood the care I must take not to lose my library card.

When I discovered how books in the library were organized by topics, using the Dewey Decimal System, I was very impressed. What a wonderful way to organize knowledge! This really appealed to my orderly mind. So did the card catalog, which contained 3x5 cards listing information on every single book in the library. Obviously, this was long before the days of computers and online listings.

During school, periodically we were able to submit a book order. It seems that a portion of my allowance frequently went to purchase a precious book of my own. Recently in thrift stores I came across two of the titles I purchased in elementary school. One was a biography of Harry Houdini and the other, titled "Yellow Eyes," was the story of a cougar. I enjoyed re-reading both and was magically transported back to an earlier time. I kept these books and hope some day to share them with my grandchildren.

In the summer when school was out, I made regular trips to the library. My bicycle had a basket attached to the handlebars. The number of books that could be checked out at any one time was limited to ten. So every two weeks I would go to the library and find ten new books to bring home to read. This would usually fill the basket on my bicycle and, if the books were big and heavy, make it a bit of a challenge to steer. Rarely did I return in two weeks without having read all ten books.

Even as a youth I came across some favorite series. As one example, I was thrilled to discover the Wizard of Oz books by L. Frank Baum. (These were the Harry Potter books of their day.) I read every single title in the series ... and actually wept when I learned that the author was no longer living and realized there would be no more books in the series for me to read.

Even as a boy I went through phases in my reading interests: sports, dinosaurs, science fiction, mysteries. And I also had favorite authors: Robert Heinlein, Ray Bradbury, Isaac Asimov, Mark Twain, Arthur Conan Doyle, Agatha Christie, and many others.

I was fortunate not to get car sick while reading. Whenever we would go to visit my grandparents (a drive of two hours), I would make sure always to take something to read.

As a father, when we moved our family to Kansas and to Des Moines I made sure one of the first places we visited was the library. When my children were old enough, each got his or her own library card. I remain convinced that reading is a critically important skill for learning and developing the brain. And I believe that a love of reading is a very important attribute for all children to develop. I fear in today's electronic world a love of reading often falls by the wayside, which is unfortunate.

As a missionary and wanting to make productive use of my time, I would combine reading with brushing my teeth. Doing so allowed me to read two lengthy tomes by James E. Talmadge - "Jesus the Christ" and "The Articles of Faith" - a couple of pages at a time. Oh, and upon returning from serving my mission my dentist commented on the very good shape of my teeth.

I find that I get a little anxious if I find myself in a place with no reading material. While I love the heft and feel of an actual book, I suppose that some day I will succumb and ask Santa for an e-reader as a Christmas gift. While it won't be the same as actually holding a book and turning the pages, it certainly will make it easy to carry an assortment of books with me wherever I happen to be.

Good reading to all!

Office Move

Last week I moved offices. In one sense this was not a big undertaking because I moved one row over and five rows down, probably a distance of fifty feet. In another sense this was a big deal because just as much preparation and packing is required for a move like this as for a move to another floor or another building.

A good thing about moving offices (or, more accurately, cubicles) is the chance to de-clutter, reorganize, and get a fresh start of sorts in a new/different space. In my case there is the added bonus of being moved from a cube in the middle of the building to a cube at the end of a row. In my new location I can see out the building window to the south overlooking a green field and the walking path that goes from our parking lot into a wooded area. The view and the exposure to natural light is a big improvement.

During the day I can watch people running or biking on the path. Sometimes I join them over the lunch hour for a walk to stretch my legs and clear my head. At dusk it is not uncommon to see deer emerge from the woods to feed in the field. As I exit the parking lot I will frequently stop and watch the deer until they get nervous at my gaze and drift away.

While this is not Walden Pond (and I am certainly not Thoreau), it is nevertheless a small piece of placid country in the midst of more congested (by comparison) city living, busy traffic, and hectic corporate working. I have no idea how long I am likely to work in this space, but will certainly enjoy each day I can look out the window ... and relax.

Twice the Fun

What's worse than a root canal? How about a second root canal on the same tooth!

The crown my dentist put on my cracked tooth last year did not prevent the problem he predicted could occur (20% chance, he thought) and that, if it did, would require a root canal. So in January I visited an endodontist and underwent this procedure. I expected some swelling and pain, but thought this would go away relatively quickly.

However, the swelling never went all the way down and the pain never went entirely away. I went back to the endodontist once and he adjusted/reshaped the crown so I was not biting on it and causing trauma to the ligament or bone. After more weeks of "wait and see" it became apparent that the predicted healing was not taking place.

So today I went back to have the procedure repeated. I'm always concerned when a medical professional has a discussion with me that goes something like this (especially when my mouth is full of medication that is making my gums numb):

Dr. Nelson: "Well, if your tooth was cracked when the crown was put on, then re-doing this procedure might not take care of the problem. You may need to have the tooth removed and go with a bridge or an implant."

Me: "So it sounds like you don't think re-doing the root canal will solve the problem."

Dr. Nelson: "It might. We can try if that is what you think you would like to do. Or would you rather have me stop now and you can go back to your dentist?"

Me: "Let's see if I can remember what they taught me in dental school so I can make this decision."

Okay, I admit the conversation didn't take place in precisely the way I've represented it. But it did feel like I was being asked what I thought was the best thing to do. I know, I know ... the medical expert can only inform and advise, and the patient has to make the decision. But I expect an opinion, based on years of training and experience, about the best course of action -- not asking me what I think would be the best thing to do.

In the end Dr. Nelson convinced me that we should try the root canal again (at no charge). I'm a little skeptical after our discussion, but we'll hope for the best and be prepared for the next step if necessary. At least I know a good oral surgeon in our stake.

Blood, Sweat, and Fears

When I was a graduate student in Salt Lake City I started donating blood platelets. At that time my primary motivation was financial. While it was NOT legal to pay for blood or blood products, it was permissible to pay donors for their time. More than 30 years later I continue to donate platelets though there is no longer any remuneration for one's time; my primary motivation is to help cancer patients.

Unlike donating whole blood, an apheresis donation involves both arms and takes about 90 minutes. (A one-arm process is available, but takes even longer.) The following images give some idea of the process, the machine used, and how I am situated when I donate ... except I have a portable DVD player on my lap watching a video.

The process of donating platelets is called apheresis. According to Merriam Webster, the definition of apheresis is "withdrawal of blood from a donor's body, removal of one or more blood components (as plasma, platelets, or white blood cells), and transfusion of the remaining blood back into the donor —called also pheresis. The origin of the word is from -apheresis (as in plasmapheresis) with the first known use in 1977.

One of the biggest problems with an apheresis donation is predictable -- for an hour and a half you cannot scratch where it itches. And you don't realize just how much your nose and face and head and neck itch until you can't scratch.

The other issue is more irksome than a problem. Usually you don't have time to finish watching a movie before the procedure is over. So unless you watch a movie you've seen previously or run home and watch the rest of the movie, you don't see the ending. But I'm pretty sure the good guys win. I hope the platelet recipients also win.

What is the time? "Tooth-hurty"

What was supposed to happen after my recent root canal was a recovery period, followed by a visit to my dentist to have the temporary filling in my crown drilled out and replaced with a permanent filling. However, when I went back to Dr. Shay things did not go as planned.

Dr. Shay was able to drill out the temporary filling with no problem. But when he began inserting the permanent filling I flinched because of the pain. He paused and said, "You aren't supposed to be feeling anything." He inserted the filling material deeper -- and I came right up off the chair. "Ow!" I exclaimed. "Something is wrong. I've never had this happen before following a root canal," said Dr. Shay.

So it was back to the endodontist for what I thought would be a repeat of the earlier procedure. Fortunately, he decided to reshape the crown slightly to ensure there was no pressure and irritation when biting, and "wait and see" for a couple more weeks. This strategy seems to be paying off, as the swelling and pain is gradually subsiding. So it may simply be that I didn't allow enough recovery time before returning for the permanent filling.

It is a blessing to live in a time where we have such wonderful medical and dental care. In earlier times the options for dealing with the problem I have were undoubtedly very limited and involved a choice between suffering and pulling a tooth. Once infected, even such a "minor" problem could sometimes result in death.

I don't have to worry about infection because of the availability of modern antibiotics. Not only do these medicines help me, but they also help my dog, Tara. Recently I took Tara in to have her teeth cleaned. The vet sent me home with antibiotic pills for Tara as a safeguard to prevent any infection. I don't mind taking antibiotics, but Tara doesn't like hers. Initially I tried to get her to take the pill from my hand, but after tasting it once she refused to do so again. The second time I hid the pill in some bread and she ate it. But the taste must have been apparent, because the next time she ate the bread and spit out the pill. I finally found success by hiding the pill in bread and applying a layer of barbeque sauce, which did the trick.

Tara and I are both on the mend. I hope my next visit to the dentist is a "ful-filling" one.

Cold!

In the Midwest we are tired of the frigid temperatures and bitter cold! Yes, the East coast has received more snow this year and are "enjoying" their own miserable winter similar to what we experienced last year. But I'm tired of the cold.

How cold is it? I'm glad you asked!

It’s colder than …

• a cast iron commode on the shady side of an iceberg.
• a well digger’s backside.
• a mother-in-law’s kiss.
• a banker’s heart.
• the last man’s rear end on a toboggan.
• a polar bear’s toenails.

It's so cold that ...

• we had to chisel the dog off the fire hydrant.
• your shadow freezes to the sidewalk.
• you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
• the lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
• if the thermometer was an inch longer I’d freeze to death.
• if you suck on an ice cube it just gets bigger.
• I climbed in the refrigerator to warm up.
• Chuck Norris put on a jacket.
• when we milked cows we got ice cream.
• when I turned on the shower I got hail.
• Scotsmen started wearing pants.
• we had to defrost the fireplace before we could start a fire.
• parents encouraged their kids to play with matches.
• I saw an Amish man buying an electric blanket.
• men use Tabasco sauce as aftershave.

Endodontics ... and the Mamas and Papas

My new word for the day is Endodontics (from the Greek endo - "inside" - and odons - "tooth"), a branch of dentistry dealing with tooth pulp and the tissues surrounding the root of a tooth.

I am more familiar with the descriptive, but certainly less technical, term "root canal." Endodontics is not a word I care to learn, but a visit to the dentist today led both to an education and to an appointment Monday morning for an endodontic procedure.

In December I experienced pain in one of my teeth on the upper right side (tooth number 4, in dental jargon). Dr. Shay discovered that the tooth was cracked and recommended a crown. He told me that in about 80% of cases like mine the crown would be a sufficient repair with no further problems. In the remaining cases, additional treatment might be required.

For several weeks my crown has worked as advertised. However, a few weeks ago I noticed pain when chewing on the right side. No problem, I thought, I'll just chew on the left side and wait for the pain to subside. This strategy worked for a time, but earlier this week I started experiencing sporadic pain that didn't involve chewing. Once the pain started waking me up (and keeping me up) at night, I knew I would have to go back to see Dr. Shay.

An x-ray showed no problem with the tooth. However, a more sophisticated diagnostic tool and test (tapping firmly on my tooth with a hard metal instrument!) revealed that I was experiencing pain (!!!) in the tooth and would need to undergo a root canal. I thought Dr. Shay would perform this procedure, but learned from him that once a crown is in place the root canal is performed by an endodontist - a dental practitioner who specializes in (and does primarily only ) root canals.

This image shows an abscessed tooth, the root canal treatment (drilling, filing, and filling), and the crown.
In light of my appointment first thing next week, I'll end this post with selected lyrics from the song "Monday, Monday" by the Mamas and Papas:

Monday, Monday, can't trust that day
Monday, Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
Oh Monday mornin' you gave me no warnin' of what was to be ...

Every other day, every other day
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
you can find me cryin' all of the time

New Year's Evolution

Not quite two weeks into the new year we have experienced another change with the birth of a new grandchild ... our family continues to evolve. Lindsey and Dustin welcomed a baby boy to join their son, Silas, and their foster daughter, Angela. I can't yet welcome this little one by name; that detail is pending. But I can express my gratitude for a safe delivery, a normal baby, a healthy mother, and a proud father.

Nothing is quite so miraculous as the birth of a child. For some this is a biological wonder ... and for others there is an added spiritual miracle that takes place when a child of Heavenly Father crosses the veil to enter mortality. Nothing is ever quite the same after a child is born. Nothing is ever quite so easy and nothing is ever quite so rewarding.

If we calculate the cost of raising a child, we can hardly justify having more than one or two. But when we take into account the blessings, we come to understand that the greatest rewards are not reflected in a financial calculation or balance sheet.

At one time or another each of my children with kids of their own has asked, "Dad, how did you and Mom raise five children? How did you do it?" Typically this question is asked amidst some trial or affliction, during an illness or difficult day. My honest answer is that Mom and I hardly knew what we were doing or what raising one child would entail, let alone five. We stepped out in faith, confident that we would receive help and blessings along the way.

My parenting path includes happiness and heartache, laughter and loss, delight and despair, wonder and worry. I know my children face a very similar path, but in a world that is increasingly challenging. I pray that my children will be blessed with offspring as wonderful as mine. And I'm confident that they will be wonderful parents. Someday their own children will likely be asking them, "Mom and Dad, how did you raise us?" How did you do it?" And they will smile and wonder at the answer themselves.

Parenting Perils

Parenting after your own children are grown and gone is a real challenge. What does it mean to “parent” adults who in many cases are themselves parents? How is parenting dependent children or quasi-independent teens different from parenting independent adults? Is such parenting even welcome or wanted? If so, when or under what circumstances?

I don’t have answers to these questions. I know others, including some LDS authors, have written about this topic. I haven’t read any of these books. And I don’t know if I plan to do so any time soon. Other authors have written about grandparenting. I haven’t read these books, either. I can’t help but think I could have more impact and positive influence as a grandparent if I lived near my grandchildren. This is something I would love to do, but it doesn’t seem to be in the cards any time soon. For now I must be content with sending cards or letters each month and visiting when I can.

I know some aspects about adult parenting that are very hard. First and foremost is watching my children struggle and, in some cases, suffer. Gone are the days when I could “make things all better” for my children when they ran into the house crying with a scraped knee or owie. The adage “little kids, little problems – big kids, big problems” certainly seems true at times.

I know there is value in struggling and that growth occurs from overcoming trials and adversity. I’m clear that we are in mortality to be tested and tried, and to learn from our experiences. That knowledge doesn’t stop me from wanting to ease the burden for my children, especially when the challenges appear to be so great that I don’t see the opportunities for growth and learning.

I have to remind myself that I am to God as a toddler is to me in understanding, maturity, patience, wisdom, faith, and so on. Trusting in God’s way and timing is truly an exercise of faith and patience. I pray for my children and their families constantly. That is easy. I also, when praying, ask for guidance on what I can do to help my children. Knowing the answers to that question is much more difficult.

Another challenge in adult parenting is knowing what NOT to say and when NOT to say it. It is true that wisdom comes with experience, age, and perspective. It is also true that most people don’t learn from the wisdom of others as well as they do through their own experiences. For example, it took me nearly three decades to learn that when you try to change another person the only thing you do is make two people unhappy – that person and yourself. Each and every time I try to change someone else I succeed only in creating unhappiness. But how do you pass along a lesson like that? Can it even be understood or “learned” except by personal struggle and experience? Suffice it to say that my tongue is much tougher than it once was from having bitten it so many times!

Another challenge is being connected. Children have their own lives and are busy with the tasks and chores of everyday living. As a result, I know far less about the lives of my children than I once did. I am very grateful for all the modern conveniences that make it so easy to stay connected. This has not always been the case. Long distance phone calls were prohibitively expensive when I was a child. Usually, receiving a long distance call meant a death or serious illness/accident in the family. Today such calls are virtually free. And we have blogs, social media, texting, email, web cams, etc., making staying connected easier than it ever has been.

Ironically, the very availability and ease of these tools may not always translate into connectedness. Because we CAN connect doesn’t always mean that we DO connect … at least, not as often as parents (especially long distance parents) might desire. And this is the rub. I certainly can make calls or send emails whenever I want. But how much connection is good? One of the things that make calls and visits so special is that they are not everyday occurrences. Ideally I would live close enough to my children and their families to drive by their residences frequently, see the children outside playing, and stop to say hello. That arrangement is increasingly rare in today’s world. I'm very lucky that my children use a variety of means to keep connected with me. I receive phone calls and can view photos posted online. I love receiving funny and unexpected text messages. I keep up with daily life through social media pages. Though I live very far away from my grandchildren, I am not disconnected from them.

Later this month we hope to visit Utah to celebrate Christmas with most of my children and all of my grandchildren. I am so excited to see everyone again and to participate in the magic of the Christmas season. So for a few days I will get to be a close up and hands on Poopa. What a wonderful Christmas gift for me!