Good-"Buy" to Shopping

When the weekend comes, practically the last thing I want to do is go shopping. Yet this is exactly what a run to the store with Mom to buy something often turns into. And in only two sentences I have described one of the huge differences between men and women. I reference the title of a research study from a prestigious business school: "Men Buy, Women Shop." This is exactly what I experience.

For me, buying something is usually a focused, practical, short-term activity. That's because the act of making a purchase is very much tied up with solving a problem. I go to the store because I need something. The faster I can find what I am looking for, the sooner I can fix what is wrong and move on to doing something enjoyable.

For Mom, shopping is an "experience" or an "adventure." It is a chance to do something fun or different. It is an opportunity to explore ways in which our lives or house could be made more interesting. And it is a time to see new things and talk to new people. Shopping is enjoyable in itself and making the purchase brings the fun to an end. Mom will go to the store because she wants something, and that something is often a break or diversion from the day-to-day routine of life.

Don't get me wrong; I will price shop for a significant purchase to make sure I'm getting a good deal. But this type of shopping is a means to an end, and the end is buying. For Mom, shopping can be recreational, a "date" like eating out or going to a movie.

Now, how do you think we enjoy going to the store together? Often I am finished within the first 5-10 minutes and Mom is just getting warmed up. A recent visit to the thrift store is a case in point. I went into the store thinking that I would try to find a shirt. I found two shirts within a few minutes, quickly walked up and down the store aisles to see if there was any bargain too good to pass up, and then went to tell Mom I was ready to go. When Mom walked into the store, the jewelry counter caught her eye. While I found my shirts and went through the entire store, Mom was still looking at jewelry. She was not even close to being ready to go let me know that she needed much more time to look through the rest of the store. So I drove home to shovel the driveway and came back 45 minutes later to get her (and she still was not finished shopping).

The person who performed our marriage (I'll always remember his name, Vernon Thomander) counseled Mom and me always to do everything together. I understand the wisdom of his counsel and have tried to observe it throughout our marriage. His intent, I'm sure, was to strengthen our marriage and help us draw closer to one another. But I'm quite confident our marriage will continue stronger if I "buy" and Mom "shops" separately!