Under the Weather

A virus is making its way through Central Iowa, leaving a path of misery and woe. It is so widespread that the local news ran a feature story on how many people are sick, missing work and school. Unfortunately, Brenda and I have both been afflicted.

I've noticed that when I get sick, I get REALLY sick and need special pampering and tender loving care. (I know Brenda gets sick, too, but that is just "normal" sick.) I also get cravings, which I assume is my body's way of telling me that it needs something to fight off the symptoms of illness.

The first and foremost requirement when I am sick is for salt and vinegar flavored potato chips and citrus flavored soda; Squirt or whiskey sour is best, though Fresca will do in a pinch. These alone practically guarantee a rapid and full recovery. Or perhaps they just ease the misery.

A backup remedy is Red Hots candy. The cinnamon seems to burn the toxins out of my system. And when I eat too many, my tongue gets burned as well. But that seems a small price to pay to feel better.Finally, I resort to chicken noodle soup. This cannot be canned soup, but has to be the dry mix package boiled in water.

Any of these remedies work best with a good murder mystery or two.

Aside from food, I also need a large box of lotion-infused facial tissue and an inhaler to clear my passages. I usually don't take much medicine. I can only take a half dose of Benadryl, because I react to it so strongly. It clouds my head and makes my skin feels so sensitive that even the bed sheets irritate me. And I will take NyQuil only in the most extreme circumstances, because the taste is far worse than the ailment. Isn't there some way in today's scientific world that medicine can be made to taste better?

When I was a boy I would sometimes come down with the croup. Mom would drape a sheet over the bed and support it in such a way to make a tent. A vaporizer would go underneath the tent to create a mist for my lungs. And she would also rub Ben-Gay and Vicks VapoRub on my chest. Interestingly, this mixture smelled very much like root beer extract. I still have fond memories of root beer scented reading marathons while ill.