Cold!

In the Midwest we are tired of the frigid temperatures and bitter cold! Yes, the East coast has received more snow this year and are "enjoying" their own miserable winter similar to what we experienced last year. But I'm tired of the cold.

How cold is it? I'm glad you asked!

It’s colder than …

• a cast iron commode on the shady side of an iceberg.
• a well digger’s backside.
• a mother-in-law’s kiss.
• a banker’s heart.
• the last man’s rear end on a toboggan.
• a polar bear’s toenails.

It's so cold that ...

• we had to chisel the dog off the fire hydrant.
• your shadow freezes to the sidewalk.
• you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
• the lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
• if the thermometer was an inch longer I’d freeze to death.
• if you suck on an ice cube it just gets bigger.
• I climbed in the refrigerator to warm up.
• Chuck Norris put on a jacket.
• when we milked cows we got ice cream.
• when I turned on the shower I got hail.
• Scotsmen started wearing pants.
• we had to defrost the fireplace before we could start a fire.
• parents encouraged their kids to play with matches.
• I saw an Amish man buying an electric blanket.
• men use Tabasco sauce as aftershave.