Thankful for ...

Thanksgiving is not the only time of year I am grateful for my many, many blessings. I recognize just how blessed I am in ways big and small. Today I am thinking about some "small" blessings in my life for which I am extremely grateful.

• Hot running water. Each day when I shower I say a little prayer of thanks for hot running water. As a boy when I visited my grandparents' farm we took baths in a number two metal tub. We thought this was unique and exciting, but that was because it was a novelty rather than the routine. When we went back home I enjoyed bathing in a "real" tub, never appreciating how fortunate I was. Today I am grateful for hot showers whenever I want one.
  
  
  
  
  
• Indoor plumbing. Can you even imagine using a chamber pot? We used an outhouse when visiting my Allen grandparents, with a Sears catalog for toilet paper. My Grandmother Oviatt had an inside bathroom, but we used this only in cold weather and only for our "number one" business. Otherwise, we used her outhouse. My mother tells how as a child she and her sisters used to wait until their father would go to the outhouse first on cold winter mornings. Once he was finished and the seat was defrosted, there was a mad rush to be next.

• Electric appliances and lights. My gas and electric appliances offer great convenience in preparing meals, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping food cold and fresh. My grandparents cooked on coal stoves very similar to the one pictured here. Note the metal tool to lift the lids from the top of the stove without getting burned. The looped metal handle would be warm to the touch, but would not get hot enough to burn. And I am so grateful that I did not depend on candles or fuel lamps for light.

Sometime the small blessings are the greatest!

Some of life's important lessons

When I entered the mission field, I had only the vaguest of ideas about how to serve as a missionary. I received a small missionary handbook with instructions I tried to follow faithfully, but really "learned by doing" until near the end of my service I finally felt I knew how to do the work I was finishing.

As a young social worker, I worked with troubled youth and taught parenting classes. My "book learning" did not make up for my lack of practical experience and, looking back, I clearly understand why my clients were skeptical of principles and techniques I offered them. Now that my own children are grown and gone with children of their own, I finally have a better idea of how to parent.

After three decades of marriage, I am getting the hang of being a good husband. Much wisdom has come with learning what not to do. With a little luck, Brenda will enjoy the benefits of what I have learned for a few more years before we are both gone.

I've heard it said that intelligence is learning from your own experiences while wisdom is learning from the experiences of others. I wonder how many are wise in this regard.

At any rate, here are some of life's important lessons I have learned.

1. It is easier to loosen the reins than to tighten them. I was a strict father, not because I wanted control over my children, but because I wanted them to be safe. Perhaps I did not get it right in determining how loose or tight to maintain the reins. But I did learn that trying to tighten loose reins was a real challenge.
   
   
2. Offense cannot be given, it can only be taken. No one can offend you without your assistance. We are offended not so much by what others say or do to us, but by what we tell ourselves about what they are doing and why they are doing it. Every instance of offense rests upon our own strongly held "should" or "should not." In a very real sense, we offend ourselves using the other person as the reason we do so. Others have no power over us to cause offense ... unless we cooperate with them. Does this mean I think that others never do insensitive, mean or cruel things? Of course not. But ours is the choice as to whether we are offended by such behavior. When we say to ourselves, "S/he makes me so mad," we are being neither accurate nor truthful.
   
   
3. When you try to change another person the only result that is guaranteed is that you will make two people unhappy - yourself and the other person. Why did it take me so long to learn this lesson? There is a very important difference between not putting up with unacceptable behavior and attempting to change another person. We do not have to put up with unacceptable behavior. But this does not require that we attempt to change others. Frankly, I don't think one person can change another. But I think one person can cause great unhappiness trying to change another, both for him/herself and for the the person s/he is trying to change.
   
   

Someone once told me of a great German saying, "Too soon old, and too late smart!" (It sounds better if you try to affect a strong German accent.) This is certainly true for me.

Love to Read

Reading has always been my favorite hobby and my greatest source of learning and enjoyment. I really don't remember learning to read. I do remember in first grade my teacher, kindly white-haired Mrs. Carter, having us sit on the floor in a group around her while she held up flash cards with words printed on them in bold letters. As a class, we would call out together the words on the cards. I was surprised once when I was the only voice to be heard when she held up a card. Apparently it was a word she had not introduced to us previously, but I must have learned it in reading.

How I enjoyed going to the library as a boy. I can remember the sense of responsibility I felt when I got my first library card. The librarian impressed upon my mind the value of the books loaned to me, the care I must take not to damage them, and how responsible I must be to be sure the books were returned in good condition so others could enjoy them. She also made sure I understood the care I must take not to lose my library card.

When I discovered how books in the library were organized by topics, using the Dewey Decimal System, I was very impressed. What a wonderful way to organize knowledge! This really appealed to my orderly mind. So did the card catalog, which contained 3x5 cards listing information on every single book in the library. Obviously, this was long before the days of computers and online listings.

During school, periodically we were able to submit a book order. It seems that a portion of my allowance frequently went to purchase a precious book of my own. Recently in thrift stores I came across two of the titles I purchased in elementary school. One was a biography of Harry Houdini and the other, titled "Yellow Eyes," was the story of a cougar. I enjoyed re-reading both and was magically transported back to an earlier time. I kept these books and hope some day to share them with my grandchildren.

In the summer when school was out, I made regular trips to the library. My bicycle had a basket attached to the handlebars. The number of books that could be checked out at any one time was limited to ten. So every two weeks I would go to the library and find ten new books to bring home to read. This would usually fill the basket on my bicycle and, if the books were big and heavy, make it a bit of a challenge to steer. Rarely did I return in two weeks without having read all ten books.

Even as a youth I came across some favorite series. As one example, I was thrilled to discover the Wizard of Oz books by L. Frank Baum. (These were the Harry Potter books of their day.) I read every single title in the series ... and actually wept when I learned that the author was no longer living and realized there would be no more books in the series for me to read.

Even as a boy I went through phases in my reading interests: sports, dinosaurs, science fiction, mysteries. And I also had favorite authors: Robert Heinlein, Ray Bradbury, Isaac Asimov, Mark Twain, Arthur Conan Doyle, Agatha Christie, and many others.

I was fortunate not to get car sick while reading. Whenever we would go to visit my grandparents (a drive of two hours), I would make sure always to take something to read.

As a father, when we moved our family to Kansas and to Des Moines I made sure one of the first places we visited was the library. When my children were old enough, each got his or her own library card. I remain convinced that reading is a critically important skill for learning and developing the brain. And I believe that a love of reading is a very important attribute for all children to develop. I fear in today's electronic world a love of reading often falls by the wayside, which is unfortunate.

As a missionary and wanting to make productive use of my time, I would combine reading with brushing my teeth. Doing so allowed me to read two lengthy tomes by James E. Talmadge - "Jesus the Christ" and "The Articles of Faith" - a couple of pages at a time. Oh, and upon returning from serving my mission my dentist commented on the very good shape of my teeth.

I find that I get a little anxious if I find myself in a place with no reading material. While I love the heft and feel of an actual book, I suppose that some day I will succumb and ask Santa for an e-reader as a Christmas gift. While it won't be the same as actually holding a book and turning the pages, it certainly will make it easy to carry an assortment of books with me wherever I happen to be.

Good reading to all!

Office Move

Last week I moved offices. In one sense this was not a big undertaking because I moved one row over and five rows down, probably a distance of fifty feet. In another sense this was a big deal because just as much preparation and packing is required for a move like this as for a move to another floor or another building.

A good thing about moving offices (or, more accurately, cubicles) is the chance to de-clutter, reorganize, and get a fresh start of sorts in a new/different space. In my case there is the added bonus of being moved from a cube in the middle of the building to a cube at the end of a row. In my new location I can see out the building window to the south overlooking a green field and the walking path that goes from our parking lot into a wooded area. The view and the exposure to natural light is a big improvement.

During the day I can watch people running or biking on the path. Sometimes I join them over the lunch hour for a walk to stretch my legs and clear my head. At dusk it is not uncommon to see deer emerge from the woods to feed in the field. As I exit the parking lot I will frequently stop and watch the deer until they get nervous at my gaze and drift away.

While this is not Walden Pond (and I am certainly not Thoreau), it is nevertheless a small piece of placid country in the midst of more congested (by comparison) city living, busy traffic, and hectic corporate working. I have no idea how long I am likely to work in this space, but will certainly enjoy each day I can look out the window ... and relax.

Twice the Fun

What's worse than a root canal? How about a second root canal on the same tooth!

The crown my dentist put on my cracked tooth last year did not prevent the problem he predicted could occur (20% chance, he thought) and that, if it did, would require a root canal. So in January I visited an endodontist and underwent this procedure. I expected some swelling and pain, but thought this would go away relatively quickly.

However, the swelling never went all the way down and the pain never went entirely away. I went back to the endodontist once and he adjusted/reshaped the crown so I was not biting on it and causing trauma to the ligament or bone. After more weeks of "wait and see" it became apparent that the predicted healing was not taking place.

So today I went back to have the procedure repeated. I'm always concerned when a medical professional has a discussion with me that goes something like this (especially when my mouth is full of medication that is making my gums numb):

Dr. Nelson: "Well, if your tooth was cracked when the crown was put on, then re-doing this procedure might not take care of the problem. You may need to have the tooth removed and go with a bridge or an implant."

Me: "So it sounds like you don't think re-doing the root canal will solve the problem."

Dr. Nelson: "It might. We can try if that is what you think you would like to do. Or would you rather have me stop now and you can go back to your dentist?"

Me: "Let's see if I can remember what they taught me in dental school so I can make this decision."

Okay, I admit the conversation didn't take place in precisely the way I've represented it. But it did feel like I was being asked what I thought was the best thing to do. I know, I know ... the medical expert can only inform and advise, and the patient has to make the decision. But I expect an opinion, based on years of training and experience, about the best course of action -- not asking me what I think would be the best thing to do.

In the end Dr. Nelson convinced me that we should try the root canal again (at no charge). I'm a little skeptical after our discussion, but we'll hope for the best and be prepared for the next step if necessary. At least I know a good oral surgeon in our stake.

Blood, Sweat, and Fears

When I was a graduate student in Salt Lake City I started donating blood platelets. At that time my primary motivation was financial. While it was NOT legal to pay for blood or blood products, it was permissible to pay donors for their time. More than 30 years later I continue to donate platelets though there is no longer any remuneration for one's time; my primary motivation is to help cancer patients.

Unlike donating whole blood, an apheresis donation involves both arms and takes about 90 minutes. (A one-arm process is available, but takes even longer.) The following images give some idea of the process, the machine used, and how I am situated when I donate ... except I have a portable DVD player on my lap watching a video.

The process of donating platelets is called apheresis. According to Merriam Webster, the definition of apheresis is "withdrawal of blood from a donor's body, removal of one or more blood components (as plasma, platelets, or white blood cells), and transfusion of the remaining blood back into the donor —called also pheresis. The origin of the word is from -apheresis (as in plasmapheresis) with the first known use in 1977.

One of the biggest problems with an apheresis donation is predictable -- for an hour and a half you cannot scratch where it itches. And you don't realize just how much your nose and face and head and neck itch until you can't scratch.

The other issue is more irksome than a problem. Usually you don't have time to finish watching a movie before the procedure is over. So unless you watch a movie you've seen previously or run home and watch the rest of the movie, you don't see the ending. But I'm pretty sure the good guys win. I hope the platelet recipients also win.

What is the time? "Tooth-hurty"

What was supposed to happen after my recent root canal was a recovery period, followed by a visit to my dentist to have the temporary filling in my crown drilled out and replaced with a permanent filling. However, when I went back to Dr. Shay things did not go as planned.

Dr. Shay was able to drill out the temporary filling with no problem. But when he began inserting the permanent filling I flinched because of the pain. He paused and said, "You aren't supposed to be feeling anything." He inserted the filling material deeper -- and I came right up off the chair. "Ow!" I exclaimed. "Something is wrong. I've never had this happen before following a root canal," said Dr. Shay.

So it was back to the endodontist for what I thought would be a repeat of the earlier procedure. Fortunately, he decided to reshape the crown slightly to ensure there was no pressure and irritation when biting, and "wait and see" for a couple more weeks. This strategy seems to be paying off, as the swelling and pain is gradually subsiding. So it may simply be that I didn't allow enough recovery time before returning for the permanent filling.

It is a blessing to live in a time where we have such wonderful medical and dental care. In earlier times the options for dealing with the problem I have were undoubtedly very limited and involved a choice between suffering and pulling a tooth. Once infected, even such a "minor" problem could sometimes result in death.

I don't have to worry about infection because of the availability of modern antibiotics. Not only do these medicines help me, but they also help my dog, Tara. Recently I took Tara in to have her teeth cleaned. The vet sent me home with antibiotic pills for Tara as a safeguard to prevent any infection. I don't mind taking antibiotics, but Tara doesn't like hers. Initially I tried to get her to take the pill from my hand, but after tasting it once she refused to do so again. The second time I hid the pill in some bread and she ate it. But the taste must have been apparent, because the next time she ate the bread and spit out the pill. I finally found success by hiding the pill in bread and applying a layer of barbeque sauce, which did the trick.

Tara and I are both on the mend. I hope my next visit to the dentist is a "ful-filling" one.

Cold!

In the Midwest we are tired of the frigid temperatures and bitter cold! Yes, the East coast has received more snow this year and are "enjoying" their own miserable winter similar to what we experienced last year. But I'm tired of the cold.

How cold is it? I'm glad you asked!

It’s colder than …

• a cast iron commode on the shady side of an iceberg.
• a well digger’s backside.
• a mother-in-law’s kiss.
• a banker’s heart.
• the last man’s rear end on a toboggan.
• a polar bear’s toenails.

It's so cold that ...

• we had to chisel the dog off the fire hydrant.
• your shadow freezes to the sidewalk.
• you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
• the lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
• if the thermometer was an inch longer I’d freeze to death.
• if you suck on an ice cube it just gets bigger.
• I climbed in the refrigerator to warm up.
• Chuck Norris put on a jacket.
• when we milked cows we got ice cream.
• when I turned on the shower I got hail.
• Scotsmen started wearing pants.
• we had to defrost the fireplace before we could start a fire.
• parents encouraged their kids to play with matches.
• I saw an Amish man buying an electric blanket.
• men use Tabasco sauce as aftershave.

Endodontics ... and the Mamas and Papas

My new word for the day is Endodontics (from the Greek endo - "inside" - and odons - "tooth"), a branch of dentistry dealing with tooth pulp and the tissues surrounding the root of a tooth.

I am more familiar with the descriptive, but certainly less technical, term "root canal." Endodontics is not a word I care to learn, but a visit to the dentist today led both to an education and to an appointment Monday morning for an endodontic procedure.

In December I experienced pain in one of my teeth on the upper right side (tooth number 4, in dental jargon). Dr. Shay discovered that the tooth was cracked and recommended a crown. He told me that in about 80% of cases like mine the crown would be a sufficient repair with no further problems. In the remaining cases, additional treatment might be required.

For several weeks my crown has worked as advertised. However, a few weeks ago I noticed pain when chewing on the right side. No problem, I thought, I'll just chew on the left side and wait for the pain to subside. This strategy worked for a time, but earlier this week I started experiencing sporadic pain that didn't involve chewing. Once the pain started waking me up (and keeping me up) at night, I knew I would have to go back to see Dr. Shay.

An x-ray showed no problem with the tooth. However, a more sophisticated diagnostic tool and test (tapping firmly on my tooth with a hard metal instrument!) revealed that I was experiencing pain (!!!) in the tooth and would need to undergo a root canal. I thought Dr. Shay would perform this procedure, but learned from him that once a crown is in place the root canal is performed by an endodontist - a dental practitioner who specializes in (and does primarily only ) root canals.

This image shows an abscessed tooth, the root canal treatment (drilling, filing, and filling), and the crown.
In light of my appointment first thing next week, I'll end this post with selected lyrics from the song "Monday, Monday" by the Mamas and Papas:

Monday, Monday, can't trust that day
Monday, Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
Oh Monday mornin' you gave me no warnin' of what was to be ...

Every other day, every other day
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
you can find me cryin' all of the time

New Year's Evolution

Not quite two weeks into the new year we have experienced another change with the birth of a new grandchild ... our family continues to evolve. Lindsey and Dustin welcomed a baby boy to join their son, Silas, and their foster daughter, Angela. I can't yet welcome this little one by name; that detail is pending. But I can express my gratitude for a safe delivery, a normal baby, a healthy mother, and a proud father.

Nothing is quite so miraculous as the birth of a child. For some this is a biological wonder ... and for others there is an added spiritual miracle that takes place when a child of Heavenly Father crosses the veil to enter mortality. Nothing is ever quite the same after a child is born. Nothing is ever quite so easy and nothing is ever quite so rewarding.

If we calculate the cost of raising a child, we can hardly justify having more than one or two. But when we take into account the blessings, we come to understand that the greatest rewards are not reflected in a financial calculation or balance sheet.

At one time or another each of my children with kids of their own has asked, "Dad, how did you and Mom raise five children? How did you do it?" Typically this question is asked amidst some trial or affliction, during an illness or difficult day. My honest answer is that Mom and I hardly knew what we were doing or what raising one child would entail, let alone five. We stepped out in faith, confident that we would receive help and blessings along the way.

My parenting path includes happiness and heartache, laughter and loss, delight and despair, wonder and worry. I know my children face a very similar path, but in a world that is increasingly challenging. I pray that my children will be blessed with offspring as wonderful as mine. And I'm confident that they will be wonderful parents. Someday their own children will likely be asking them, "Mom and Dad, how did you raise us?" How did you do it?" And they will smile and wonder at the answer themselves.